My father : Flash back 1993


I want to share the following about my dear father.

On Fridays I attend a writing group in our local library.

I have been writing anecdotes since 2012.

At this stage I am using my older writings and edit and also expand them.

For today we had to do a short description of a person.

Illustrate characteristics of the character.

Use some conversation to illustrate it.

Here is my description of my father:

MY FATHER

My father was about 5’7”/1.7 m.. tall, not very thin but also not really fat more stocky. As long as I can remember he did not have much hair, only a ring around the lower part of his head. My parents always explained this balding:”… The military cap stopped the hair growing because he had to wear it every day and night during the war..”

My father wasn’t a man of many words and jokes. He did not smile or laugh much.I was always looking to please him because he was very strict. It seems that he was a perfectionist when it came to planning and doing things.

I think he loved to work in the garage, fixing his car when it was broken.(Maybe he hated it, and had to do it. I will never know) He was really handy when it came to fixing and planning the best ways. He was the patriarch of the family. We obeyed him in everything.

Even after I had my own family my father still ruled and wanted me to do things as he wanted it up till his death.

On his death bed he still told my son, who was only 13: “Don’t be like your father. Look well after your mother!”

He also went on: “You have to come back to the Reformed Church.” I went over to my husband’s church the Dutch Reformed Church. It shows, till the end he wanted his way.

My father even had an argument with my mother before he passed away about her love for him.

He asked my mother:” Do you love me?” She answered “Yes, always will”. He went on: “Impossible you can’t love a person like me. You don’t love me.” Those words broke my mother’s heart. She had given her everything to him and our family. Afterwards she could not stop crying. I told her that he did not mean it like that.

This whole episode made me feel so sad and my heart yearned to wipe out those last words.

26 thoughts on “My father : Flash back 1993

  1. You have told a story about emotions and thoughts, and a sad one at that, and in doing so, written an engaging story that has the reader imagining your father in their mind. This is skill as a writer!! As for what your father said, I think people who try to control their lives and those of others have a lot of insecurity and establishing control is a way of making them feel safe. As we get older, some of us begin to reflect on our lives and see things from a different perspective. Your father might have felt he was at times too strict and he did not like that so much anymore and then wondered how your Mum could not fault him. This shows love in its varoous forms can transcend many indiscretions. I feel sorry for your mum as it would have been so upsetting for her.

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    1. Yes, the more I think about it the better I understand why my father was like that. The 4 years that I was living with them after my studies was a very stressful time for me too because I could not really be myself and my father was very angry, aggressive and also in a way harassing my mother and me. That time I was this timed young woman. I felt so sorry for my mother who had to handle him every day. Thanks for your lovely comment about my writing. I think I have come a long way in my writing by now after 4 years of doing it

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  2. Pragtig maar hartseer beskywing.
    Kon hier inkom maar nogsteeds nie by pantoffels met foto daarby nie.

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    1. Beslis, dit raak my nog steeds veral nou weer hier in Augustus wat my nie te gelukkige maand is. Sal bietjie inspeksie gaan doen daar by die pantoffels. Hoop ek kan iets doen om dit oop te stel! 🙂

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    2. Ek sien wat jy meen met die nie inkom nie. Ek kom ook nie van buite af in nie! As jy wel op die blokkie in regterkant v pos kliek gee dit lysie v poste en so kom mens by pantoffels en wordless wednesday uit. EK het hele middag gekarring dit kom steeds nie reg nie.

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      1. Ek dink joy psppie het teruggekyk na sy lewe en besef dat hy somscte moeilik en verkeerd was. Fit 2as sy msnier om texsê dat hy jammer was en dat hy hesef dat hy te moeilik was. Dis nie dat hy nie dink sy vir hom lief was nie. Dis hyvwat dink dat h6 nie al haar liefde werd was nie, omdat hy so onnodig moeilik was. So hartseer

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        1. Ek het dit so aan my ma verduidelik want sy was ontsettend hartseer omdat hy so met haar gepraat het. Gelukkig was ek saam met haar en kon haar ondersteun. Hy is toe die aand oorlede, maar met vrede in sy hart.

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  3. That is so sad. I’m sure he didn’t mean for his words to sound like that. Many times in our life we say things that have clear meaning to us, however, it does not always get received by the other person the same way. (I’m sure we have all experienced this…I sure have.) Thank you for sharing this. We should all remember to make sure our words are really used in the way we intend them to be used and leave no room for interpretation.

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  4. Daar is soveel onuitgesproke hartseer en pyn uit die era van die oorloë wat die jonger generasies nooit sal verstaan nie. Ek weet self bitter min, net wat ek my ouers hoor vertel het en in boeke gelees het. Maar ek het self in die Dopper kerk met Hollandse grootouers aan een kant van die familie grootgeword en verstaan die Dopper/NG debat goed. Ek moet byvoeg dat my Hollandse ouma die liefdevolste mens was wat ek geken het, en haar sagte liewe geaardheid het baie mense geraak in haar lewe. Dankie dat jy dit gedeel het, dit kan nie maklik wees om hieroor te skryf nie.

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    1. Ja die liewe kerk storie is ook maar n ding. Nou sit mens met kerk en kerkloosheid in die wêreld. Ons was in die Hervormde kerk en die NG was net nie reg volgens hul beginsels nie. Daardie oorlogtyd is maar baie tragies en traumaties vir die ouer mense gewees.

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    1. Dis beslis die oorlog. Beide ouers het nooit oor die oorlog gepraat nie. Onthou nog dit was in Holland ook. Hul was in die middel van die geweld. Hy het nog baie baklei teen die wreedheid van die oorlog voor hy vrede gemaak het en rustig op einde heen gegaan het.

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        1. Daar is selfs n verskil tussen my wat net na oorlog gebore is en my ouer suster wat as klein dogtertjie die oorlog belewe het. Sy is in 1942 gebore. Kry haar met tye ook jammer. Sy kan ook nie help dat sy optree soos wat sy doen nie.

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          1. Mens het begrip daarvoor.Ai,oorlog is vieslik en verwoes baie lewens.Gelukkig het my pa voor die oorlog uit Holland hierheen geimmigreer.Ek verstaan alles baie goed,want sy familie daar,is ook erg geraak.

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